Life Minus The Meds.

The last few weeks of weaning off of my happy pills have gone amazingly well.  I think three factors play into this.

1) About 6 months  ago we started suspecting that I might be lactose intolerant.  Did you know that the most common symptom of a food allergy is anxiety?  Because of this I cut my dairy intake all the way down for several months, and then was able to find my limit of eating dairy no more than twice a week, and while still being able to feel normal.  I've been eating it about once a week in small amounts and doing fine while weaning from my meds.  I'm hoping this will continue.

2) There is an end in sight.  I know that in less than 10 weeks if I need to I can just go right back on them.  That feels amazing.  I am so thankful that God put the idea in some dudes head to make these meds, and so thankful that he convicted us that using them was the right thing for us.  Sure, I don't like the thought of being on them forever not knowing the risks of that, but one thing I do know for sure: a lifetime of anxiety and stress would most surely shorten my life even more than needing to be medicated forever.  Plus, I am on the smallest dose possible, so that feels good too.

3) The Lord's had it out for me.  I feel like over the last few years he's really been making me examine my thinking behind EVERYTHING, and this has been great in building my trust in him and my faith in who he is.

I have been having a few more worrisome thoughts than normal, usually fear stuff surrounding the health of my kids (like why Kadence has so many bruises on her legs, and if Auryn's cold sore is going to cause some sort of life threatening infection......irrational you see), but other than that its been great.  I just need to not let myself freak about about anything until I am medicated again, and not able to freak out about anything.  LOL!  Oh goodness.  Basically I know my thinking right now is not always filled with TRUTH, so I just need to postpone everything until the meds allow the Lord to reign in my mind again.  I do believe that God is all powerful, but I also know that when your brain is screwed like mine, no matter how much TRUTH you try to shove in there, its not enough.  It would be like laying on the floor hemorrhaging asking the Lord to stop the bleeding.  Yes he could do it totally on his own, but most likely its gonna take an ambulance, a doctor, a blood transfusion, and a few stitches.

He uses lots of stuff to heal us and prolong our lives and sanity in this very very broken world we live in.  Mine just happens to be a tiny green pill that the Lord has used to save my life.

Thank.  You.  Jesus.