Check Up.

So a few days during this last week little Xavier's movements were SO SO painful, and the only thing I could figure is that he had moved head down.  I thought my suspicions were confirmed when how movements afterwords starting feeling different.

Today at the appointment the Doc basically figured out that she thinks he was head down, and I probably actually felt him flip around the other way: head up.  He's breech.  I have another appointment in two weeks, and if he still kicks her in the hand when she's trying to feel for his head in my lower abdomen, we'll have to do another ultrasound.  It's still a little early, so hopefully he'll flip back over, but he's getting so big I honestly don't know how he has much room left for acrobatics.  If he doesn't flip, the chances of a c-section are pretty high.

The funny thing is: I don't really care.  I of course do not want to deal with the hard hard recovery from a c-section, and the risks of that procedure, but at this point in my life, I just want a baby in my arms, I don't care how he gets there.

With the girls I was SO opinionated about how they should arrive.  I wanted to have them naturally.  There were several reasons:  1) It contained the least amount of risks to me and baby.  2)  I felt like I needed to prove that I could do it naturally.  3)  It was the fad.

It still is the fad.  People are constantly talking about how midwifery and birth centers are the best option, and honestly: I don't buy it.  I think that, like everything else in life, is subject to individualism.  There may be some individuals where using a midwife is the best option, but that's just not for me.  I've had to be induced for both girls:  Kid A: 9 days late, 9 pounds 8 ounces,  Kid K: 13 days late, 10 pounds, 6 ounces.  With the little sis, if I had been at a birth center, or at home, she would have died.  She had severe respiratory distress symptoms, most likely caused by her quick plunge down my birth canal (7 minutes of pushing, 2 contractions worth of pushing, 2 pushes in all....not enough to clear the lungs), and showed signs of infection from birth.  Because of the immediate response of the hospital staff, her life was saved, and I will FOREVER be SO thankful to them.

I think because of this, and because of my miscarriage, I just don't care anymore.  The life of a child is such a huge blessing, I don't really think we should be so picky about its arrival.  I remember a wise women, when I was pregnant with my first, saying to me "Women often spend so much time thinking about, planning for, and nitpicking about the birth of their baby, that they miss out on the responsibility of preparing spiritually and emotionally for the addition of a new person to their family."  I have seen this to be true in myself and others.  The responsibility God gives us in loaning us one of his own for a time, is truly miraculous.  He entrusts his most precious creations to people he can guarantee are going to screw up.

So if Ozzy flips around and I can have him vaginally (yep I said vaginally) like the girls, that's great.  But if to ensure the safety of his life and mine we need to do a c-section, fine by me.  Of course the procedure does sound scary because any major surgery sounds scary, but I have to trust the Lord with that one.

All I can say for sure is that we have been nothing but pleased in our experiences with hospitals, and for us, they have been literal life savers, never endangered us in any way.  I have been nothing but blessed in my birthing experiences, they have both been magical, isn't every childbirth.  I am SO thankful the Lord has given medical wisdom to some of His people.  What an enormous gift to us all.

So sorry world.  I'm not going to sacrifice the safety of my precious little Ozzy just to jump in with the fad.  We'll be using a hospital, most likely doing an induction (if not a c-section), and I'll be receiving as many pain meds as they'll give me.

If I ever did have anything to prove, I've already done it.  I was induced twice (far more painful of a labor I hear), and delivered two very large babies vaginally with minimal pushing and NO pain meds.

It was wonderful.  It was torturous.

And I will never, ever do that again.

On another note, the morning sickness is coming back.  First time in the history of pregnancy for me to be feeling it so late in the game.  Just so blessed that I'm only 9 weeks out.  Doing it for 20 weeks of this pregnancy was hard enough.  9 weeks seems like a walk in the park compared to that.

The end is in sight.  I'm feeling thankful, blessed, excited, and content.  God's gonna write this story like all the others before.

Can't wait to see how its gonna unfold.

The only thing I care about is holding my live baby X in my arms sometime in November, and getting to live a long healthy life with him and the rest of my zoo.