Dashed Hopes.

I think one of the things that constantly shocks me the most about motherhood is the fact that my naivety is shoved into my face almost continually.  This week, I had another lesson in learning just how true that is.

I tried to take the girls to my moms house for 3 days without the husband.  I was picturing getting to rest, and relax; you know, I thought I'd end the 3 days feeling refreshed.  Why did I think that?  Who knows really.  I've thought this before, and been proven wrong again and again.  I seriously don't know why I thought this time would be better.  Hope I guess.  Oh hope, you trick me every time.

I was working 24 hours straight, for three straight days.  What would be relaxing about that?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  (To be fair, I did get a 2 hour break where I went to Starbucks and Motherhood Maternity, and that was a DREAM COME TRUE!!!!!)  The girls were tired because they weren't sleeping in their own beds, crabby because they weren't eating their normal food, and defiant from being spoiled silly.  My days consisted of constant discipline, and my nights were interrupted every few hours by all four of my 'people': the girls, the dog, and the baby in my belly.  Living nightmare.

I don't know why I didn't realize being this pregnant with 2 little ones around would be so difficult, but it is.  So difficult.  I look back on the days of being pregnant with my first as a daily VACATION.  I mean, I was pregnant, and not working, how hard is that?!?!?!  I look back on the days of being pregnant with my second as a trivial challenge.  Really, I thought that was difficult at times?!?!?  Come one, my oldest napped twice a day.  Having 1 kid is SO freaking easy compared to this.

The funny thing is, I'll be saying that same thing in a few months about the current me.  I'm sure I'll look back at these days of having two little ones as such blissful simple days, and life with three little ones as an uphill battle.

I thank the Lord for little 'breathes of fresh air' along the way, cause most days lately I feel like I am suffocating.

I'm sure this will come back to bite me in the butt very very soon, but:  The thought of no longer being pregnant, having my body back (after about 6 months of daily running, of course), and having 3 little kiddos sounds really amazing compared to this right now.

Being pregnant is really really hard when you are in your third trimester, and have 2 little kids already around.  I cannot wait to birth this child.  I am SO FREAKING EXCITED to meet him!!!!!!!  And almost equally excited to be able to feel like me again: to be able to stand in the kitchen long enough to finish a job instead of having to sit down cause my feet hurt so bad, to be able to pick up the house 2 times a day again instead of letting it pile up for the husband cause I can't bend over through my back pain to pick much up these days, to be able to have energy to play with my kids again, to be able to pick them up and hug them when they ask for it.......

So I am once again ending this vacation, needing a vacation.

Good news, one is in my future.  In exactly 25 days, we have a Stay-cation on the calendar once again. The kids are coming to my moms, and I will have 5 days without them to catch up on rest, to nest, to organize, and to hang with my hubby.  The best part is, HE HAS THE WHOLE TIME OFF!!!!!!  Thanks to my mom, off days and vacation days we will have 5 days at home with no kids together.  Can.  Not.  Wait.

I guess I thought 'they' were lying when they said 'a mother's job is never done'.  It's no lie people, a mother's job is truly never ever done.

So thankful I have a hubby who gives me little breaks here and there to catch up on rest when I need it. Even though he has no idea how tiring it is to be pregnant at this point, he has a ton of empathy for me, and I appreciate it.  I will not be leaving his side again for a very very very long time.

I kinda need him alot.