Today is going to one of those days. One of those days of motherhood that will ensure I am hanging my head in defeat by noon. By dinner time I will we doing my job through tears running down my face. I hate days like today. Totally trapped. Totally hopeless. Totally helpless. Totally alone.
She woke up in one of her moods today. Right now, in fact, I am taking a 10 minute sanity break to type this because I need to process but my man is at work. We've been in a battle already for almost an hour. Little baby girl is luckily still asleep, just praying she stays that way until the battle is over.
I know I'm supposed to look at this strong willed thing as a blessing, but right now, not possible.
I hate that our days are nothing but discipline. Literally, we sit in our house, all day, battling it out. She tests me, I hold my ground. These days it feels like its literally every waking moment.
I just want to enjoy each other. I want to make her smile more than I make her cry. I want to spend the day doing fun things, instead of having talks upon talks and tons of discipline. We are both miserable.
I am trapped in a relationship I never wanted or thought I'd have.
We are a classic 'personalities crash' scenario. I rub her totally wrong, and she rubs me wrong too.
And today is a day where I doubt I'll survive it.
Today is a day I just desperately hope Jesus will come back and just take us all.
Battle update: over 2.5 hours in. She's still going strong. Luckily, so am I. Somehow the Lord is giving me amazing self control, praying her gives her that too. I'd love to get on with my day already.
ReplyDeleteBattle update: ended at 2.75 hours. Horrible way to start a morning, but at least it set the day up right.
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