Until We Multiplied...

I am in love with wife hood.

During our first year of marriage, the man and I got the privilege of living in beautiful Missioula, MT. We moved there with no jobs, no plans, and all the freedom one could dream up.

My husband ended up working the year at a restoration company.  I spent the first 6 months working my lifelong 'dream job' at a log home company as a draftsman, and the second 6 months working my DREAM JOB as a stay at home wife.

That job was FREAKING AMAZING!!!  I woke up with the man in the morning, did a 'devo' together, went on a walk while he had his alone time, came home, kissed him off to work, and WENT BACK TO BED!  I would then wake up at my leisure, eat a meandering breakfast, take all the time in the world to primp myself, and then set out upon my day.  The days consisted of housework, grocery shopping, bill paying, errand running, laundry doing, various other wifely duties, and LOTS of reading.  I did literally EVERYTHING required to be an adult, besides go to work, and the man did literally NOTHING required to be and adult, besides go to work.  It was a dream!  The man would then come home to a perfect house, with a dolled up wife, and a gourmet dinner ready every night at 5 pm.  We would go about the rest of our evening doing whatever the heck we wanted: drives, movies, shopping, walks, dates, dinner out, fun projects, daydreaming about the future (which of course included kids), and a continued list of simply blissful activities.

I was so relaxed, so beautiful, so healthy, so passionate, SO full of life!  Through my hours spent reading daily I was learning a ton, and growing close to my Maker, and just so in love with my man!

It was a blissful season.  But it came to an end.

After our first year of marriage we moved out to 'the ranch', and things slowly started to slap me in the face.  I now worked 40 hours a week, AND was trying to do literally everything required to be an adult, PLUS got to work, and the man was doing literally nothing required to be an adult beside go to work.  I was EXHAUSTED, and he was lonely.  He would come home from work to an empty house, followed home by a tired wife, and then spend the evening alone while I fulfilled what I saw as my duties as a wife.

Really, it was about perfection and control, because at that point, I hated that I was doing everything and earn a living.  I wanted things a certain way, and didn't trust that he would do them 'good enough' (sorry my love!).  And, what would people think if they new my husband helped around the house, I would be cast out for sure.  So to uphold some crazy image, I worked my buns off for a year, tired, and overwhelmed.

FINALLY, I listened to the man, who the entire time had been begging to help me, and gave up some control, some image, and with it some of the load.  It turns out he is a better cook than me, and loves it alot more than I do.  It turns out that he loves folding laundry, especially the cute little girl clothes.  And it turns out he is immaculate in his housekeeping, and he loves the endorphins just as much as I do from making things look nice.

Lesson one was learned.  When I take on more than I was made to take on, I will slowly wither away.  My husband will be miserable, he won't look at me as a superwoman, he will look at me as a crazy woman.  He will feel disrespected that I am ignoring his 'wishes' to help, and I will feel run over in the process.

None of this lined up with what I thought a 'good' wife was.  And so I had to die.  For the first time.  And I did.  I held a service for 'Superwife Sarah: one who does ALL and finds joy in doing ALL!' in my heart, and moved on to 'Wife Sarah: one who surrenders to husbands wishes, and is therefore a little more sane.'

I hated that she died.  Oh I hated it.  But I learned to think the new person was pretty great.  Until we multiplied that is.....