I've tried everything, and what they say is true: if your body is not ready, it's not gonna happen. Problem is, will my body ever be ready?
I've tried:
red raspberry leaf tea, since 36 weeks
evening primrose oil, since 36 weeks
long long walks
acupuncture
spicy food
exercise ball
'time' with the man
chiropractor
pineapple
breast pump
deep breathing
the elyptical
visualization
TONS OF PRAYER
stretches and exercises of all sorts
membrane stripping THREE TIMES
membrane stripping THREE TIMES
on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on..........................
Nothing. Just hours, days, and now weeks of false labor. I've gotten myself 50% effaced, and 2 cm dilated. I am grateful for this progress, FOR SURE. But I just want more.
Today I am processing seriously through the fact that the chances of me ever knowing what it is like to go into labor on my own, are getting smaller and smaller, and less realistic.
I just don't understand. I don't understand why my body is built the way it is. But it makes me very very sad.
God I know you don't have to give me everything I ask for, and that most times you answer my prayers different than I would expect. I'm trying to trust that your plan is the best, and you have my best in mind. I just don't understand why asking for something so natural as this is a prayer of mine that every time gets rejected. This is my last chance Lord, and still the answer seems to be no. I know there is still time for a miracle, but through these tears I can see that once again you will most likely ask me to accept and trust your answer of 'no'.
Ugh. If nothing else, I guess today I can be thankful for the cleansing effect tears have on my soul, and the fact that within 4 days, I will meet my son. Even if it doesn't happen the way it was supposed to.
It will happen the way it was supposed to....in God's plan at least even if not yours. Does it help if I say that going into labor on your own is not that thrilling of an experience? The work and the end result are the same. You've already experienced the start of what labor on your own feels like with as much false labor as you've had...the only difference is you get some breaks in between and then you know for sure when the real deal begins instead of being unsure of what your body is doing. Once they start those contractions up at the hospital, you will know that baby is coming. Praying for you! Spend time with those little girls now before you have to split it three ways instead of two:)
ReplyDeleteOh thank you! I think it's hard in this 'day and age' where the 'hype' of doing things naturally can sometimes overshadow what the Lord might have planned. I think I hear so much that my body 'knows what it is supposed to do', and will 'go when its ready', and if I would just 'wait long enough it will happen on its own', that I get tricked into thinking it is the Lord's will that every single person on the planet have their baby with no interventions. But lets be honest, that is not always possible, and alot of times those interventions can actually be the miracles the Lord uses to save a life. YES....I do realize that things do go wrong with interventions too, but I think I am starting to believe they are always a bad thing, when in fact they are not. I would love to just go into labor on my own, soon, but I do need to FOR SURE awknowledge that the Lords plans are most likely different from mine, whether thats needing to be induced or not. So thanks for the reminder, and THANKS for the encouragement to hang with my girlies before life changes. I feel like I have been spending SO much time lately trying to get this baby out that I am loosing chances to connect with those staring me in the face. And thanks for sharing that its not that thrilling, even though its secretly hard for me to believe you. I think I hear so many 'romantic' stories of women having it happen on their own, that I loose sight that it is a miracle to bring a life into the world, no matter what. Means alot too coming from someone who has gotten to do it 'on their own' 5 times!!!!!! Thanks! You're wonderful!
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