Drowning In Self Pity.

Today started out with a 'bang', of horribleness.

The 'plague' has been circulating the canyon as of lately, and thus far I have avoided it.  However, this morning I woke up with that exhausted 'hit by a truck' feeling, a HUGE painful cold sore on my lip, and the suspicious scratchiness in my throat.  ON TOP OF THAT....I am puking.  AND, on top of that....I am having contractions.

Now don't get all excited.  I've been having contractions for at least a week, off and on.  Every day I get them, is stronger than the day before.  But there have also been days that I have nothing, not even one single solitary contractions.  Nada.  The other day for 6 hours straight I had VERY regular contractions.  They were getting more painful at the end.  And just when I thought, 'gosh this really could be it', they ALL stopped.  Ugh.

It's to the point now where vomiting, although physically miserable, is becoming just emotionally torturous.  It is SO defeating to be puking your guts out at this point.  Several reasons, but the biggest: if you have even an ounce of liquid in your bladder, it comes pouring out because of the force of your straining while vomiting.  TMI?  Maybe.  But yes, almost every time I puke, I also pee my pants, and the floor, and whatever else is around.  LOVELY.  Really don't know if the man will ever be able to look at me the same again.

And then the plague, oh the plague.  Luckily I'm not feeling super horrible with this one, yet.  Just a cold sore the size of a skittle on my lip, and the feeling that I stayed up ALL NIGHT LONG.  Funny thing is I actually slept great last night. (Well except for the hour I woke up and realized the boy hadn't woken me up with his kicking once that night, anxiety settled in, I drank some cold juice, and started doing an hour of kick counting.  He of course was fine.)  But I really slept great all night.  Well, pregnancy great.

If it sounds like I am drowning and self pity and complaining non stop.  You are right.  And at this point, I don't really give a crap.  I am in survival mode people.  AND still 6 days from my due date.  I think the crappy part is that my doc basically assured me I would be having him by induction sometime yesterday or today, so to be here, and have no baby, and not be in the hospital, is just a little much for me right now.

Alot too much right now.

AND....my poor kiddos are stuck downstairs with my mom, which to her credit is doing a fine job, but my kids are just VERY tired of her after a week.  So their crabiness, and fits are getting OUT OF CONTROL.

I think everyone would be happier, on the entire planet, if this baby could be born soon.

Lord, where in your wisdom and timing do you feel like it is a good idea for me to still be pregnant?